Chapter Thirty-Two: You’re About to Get Beaten Up

An Shizhu’s embrace with the ground was so close and genuine that the guards could barely contain their laughter, though none dared let it escape. This fat fool had a terrible temper—if he got angry, a beating would be a small price to pay; losing one’s life would be far worse!

Yanalie seemed not to notice the comic scene at all. Her clear eyes, bright as spring water, searched the hall: “Big Braying Donkey, Big Braying Donkey, my Big Braying Donkey, where are you?”

Suddenly, someone hugged her from behind—a presence more familiar than any other. Then a voice, unmistakable: “My little darling, you little rascal, you little mischief, your Big Braying Donkey is right here!”

As soon as Lu Hu had regained control of the hall, he interrogated the guards about Yanalie’s whereabouts. Once he knew roughly where she’d been taken, he ordered Jacques’s personal guards to lead the way, bringing along Shi Zhenxiang, Feng Kong, and Yan Ban, and they slipped out through a hidden door in pursuit…

Yanalie burst into tears of joy, burrowed into Lu Hu’s arms, and clung to him as if she’d never let go.

A short while later, Shi Zhenxiang arrived, dragging Kameda Rice Bucket Taro, while Feng Kong and Yan Ban hauled Jacques up and presented the captives: “Lord Divine, Lady Divine, what should we do with these two scoundrels?”

“Take them to the main hall and tie them up. I’ll question them myself.” Lu Hu issued his orders without letting go of Yanalie, gently stroking her hair and back to calm her.

When Shi Zhenxiang and the others entered the hall, Lu Hu bent close to Yanalie’s ear and spoke softly: “You’re really something, you little minx. In just a short time, you killed six and nearly electrocuted two more—you’re really a fierce little tigress.”

“It’s all thanks to your little black stick! Honestly, it saved me. You’re the best, Big Braying Donkey.”

“Of course! Now you know just how powerful my little black stick is, right? Using it is about as satisfying as it gets.” Lu Hu’s words were slyly double-edged.

“Mm-hmm! It’s really handy, and it works wonders. I feel amazing!” Yanalie, pure-hearted as ever, fell right into his trap.

“Let’s go inside—the whole crowd is watching. An Shizhu is practically drooling with envy, seeing you in my arms like a baby, and he’s aching to come snatch a taste himself.”

“You big dumb donkey! If you keep talking nonsense, I’ll bite your two little peas to bits!”

“No, no, spare me! I’m saving those for feeding my sweet, mischievous little darling next time.”

An Shizhu huffed and puffed his way over and dropped to his knees: “Lady Divine, Shizhu pays his respects. Your thunderbolt arts are truly unmatched—I am in awe!”

He’d just seen the state Jacques and Kameda Rice Bucket Taro were in and assumed Yanalie had mastered the thunderbolt technique. Fearful and eager to win favor, he was first to come forth and pay homage.

Shi Zhenxiang, still tying up Kameda, saw this and left the knot unfinished. Bowing deeply, she scurried over and knelt, knocking her forehead on the ground: “Zhenxiang greets Lord and Lady Divine, wishing you a heavenly union and eternal life.”

Yan Ban and the other six shouted as one: “A heavenly couple, may you live as long as the sky itself!”

The guards all knelt as well: “We pay homage to Lord and Lady Divine, a match made in heaven, long and blessed lives!”

Lu Hu and Yanalie both blushed crimson, but with things at this point, there was no turning back. They released each other, composing themselves with an air of otherworldly grace, and said, “Rise, all of you, rise!”

Under the respectful gaze of all, the pair walked hand in hand, as if two immortals, proudly making their way to the tiger-skin throne.

“Kameda, you little turtle spawn! Instead of staying home and farming your turtles, you came here to smuggle salt—fine, but you even sowed discord, stirred up trouble, and tricked my brother-in-law into strangling my father-in-law. What do you say for yourself?” Lu Hu sat upright on the tiger-skin throne, dignified and stern.

Kameda Rice Bucket Taro, trussed up like a dumpling, kowtowed so hard a purple lump the size of an egg rose on his forehead: “Kameda pays his respects to Lord Divine, Lord Divine, I won’t smuggle salt anymore.”

“What’s with that weird way of talking, all those ‘dees’—are you a car horn? Someone, slap him—give him a hundred hard ones!”

An Shizhu and Shi Zhenxiang both rushed to comply, but Shi was faster; she landed the first slap.

With a crisp “smack,” Kameda’s small frame swayed and toppled over. Shi Zhenxiang hauled him up and delivered another.

“Wait, Zhenxiang, slapping like that isn’t satisfying. Use his wooden sandals instead. Shizhu, hold his hair so his head won’t move.” Lu Hu’s eyes glinted with mischief.

Shi Zhenxiang yanked the wooden slippers from Kameda’s feet, gripped one in each hand, and swung them with gusto, counting out loud as she went.

After seven or eight strikes, some guards joined in; soon all were counting in chorus: “Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven…”

Kameda, always acting like a grand emperor, looked down on everyone except Jacques. Even his four little dachshunds bullied the guards under his protection, lashing out at the slightest annoyance—he was hated by all. Normally, people feared his power and said nothing, but today, at last, they could vent their anger. What a relief!

“Ninety-nine, one hundred!” As the last number was shouted, Shi Zhenxiang stopped at once, nimbly jumping aside.

Kameda opened his mouth and spat out eight or nine bloodied teeth. His face was bleeding, his ears torn, and his whole head was swollen like a balloon.

“Give him some medicine,” Yanalie said, moved to pity.

Lu Hu nodded. “Kameda, I’ll spare your life today, but you’re forbidden to smuggle salt again.”

Kameda nodded fervently.

“You can’t smuggle, but your men must keep transporting salt for us, free of charge, or you’ll be beaten to death.”

Kameda nodded again.

“Zhenxiang, take him back for treatment and keep an eye on him. And cut his tendons so he can’t run.”

Orders given, Lu Hu turned to Jacques.

Yanalie pinched him hard and whispered, “He’s my brother, after all. He’s cared for me since we were little and saved my life more than once. Please spare him!”

“I know, don’t worry. I just want to scare him a bit.” Lu Hu understood Jacques was not bad at heart, just easily swayed by Kameda’s manipulations.

“Mm-hmm!” Lu Hu cleared his throat loudly.

Jacques shuddered all over. The sight of Yanalie’s electric baton had left him utterly shaken, and Kameda’s state had finished breaking his nerve.

“Brother-in-law, you’re acting nothing like a brother—plotting against your own sister! Are you even human?” Lu Hu’s tone was no longer stern, but full of mockery.

“Sister, brother-in-law, I was wrong, I was wrong—please, forgive me this once!” Hearing Lu Hu call him brother-in-law, Jacques relaxed a little and quickly tried to claim kinship.

“Come on, brother-in-law, come up here and sit. You’re the esteemed one now, we should be bowing to you.”

“No, no, I beg you—spare me! It was that turtle Kameda who tricked me. I regret killing Father, and I won’t do anything foolish again. Sister, say a good word for me, ask him to let me go.”

“Your sister just begged me not to kill you. Otherwise, I’d have turned you to dust with a thunderbolt by now. Thank her!” Lu Hu handed Yanalie the credit.

Jacques shivered. The memory of Yanalie’s electric strike was a nightmare burned into his soul. At the mention of thunderbolts, terror seized him. “Thank you, sister, thank you, Lord Divine, for sparing my life!”

“From now on, follow Lord Divine’s orders—do as you’re told, and you’ll never be wronged.” Yanalie, having grown up with Jacques, knew his nature and couldn’t bring herself to abandon him, so she gave him a way out.

“Are you willing to follow me, brother-in-law?” Lu Hu wanted to see if he was sincere.

“Lord Divine, I’m willing…” Jacques knocked his head to the floor and wept uncontrollably, gratitude overwhelming him, unable to form words.

Wonderful! Another loyal follower gained.

Lu Hu leapt to his side, helped him up, untied him, and patted his shoulder in reassurance.

Then he declared loudly, “We’ve all been busy for most of the day and must be hungry. Come, let’s set out a feast!”

The guards set to work, as usual lining up long tables in the hall.

“Make the tables wider—cover the entire hall. Everyone is to join the banquet!”

“Thank you, Lord Divine!” The guards cheered, overjoyed.

Previously, only the leaders feasted; the guards could only watch and eat later during shift changes. There were only three hundred on duty per shift and over three thousand in all, split into ten shifts. Lu Hu, well aware of this, said, “Prepare plenty of food and drink, and summon all guards to the feast—no one’s to be left out.”

“Lord Divine, with over three thousand, the hall won’t fit them all,” Shi Zhenxiang whispered.

“Then do it in two waves,” Lu Hu replied.

Such matters may seem small, but a meal was the best way to win the soldiers’ hearts.

He then gathered the eight he’d brought with him and gave these orders:

The three thousand troops would be divided into six teams of five hundred, each led by Feng Kong, Yan Ban, and four others, directly answering to him and Yanalie. An Shizhu, having spent three years in the barracks and knowing something of drills and formations, would oversee their training.

Messengers were sent to notify Old Granny Du to keep her cave guarded as a secret base. Granny herself and her clan would move to the fortress, where she would serve as head of the Oront tribe, with Yanalie assisting her in clan affairs.

Lu Hu’s plan was to show all clans the benefits of loyalty to the Lord Divine. With Granny Du as an example, the rest would soon follow.

Jacques and Shi Zhenxiang were to settle clan affairs and then, three days later, accompany Lu Hu to the Silote tribe.

Everyone accepted their tasks with cheer—only Yanalie pouted, her lovely eyes shooting daggers at Lu Hu.

“If you won’t let me come with you and run off on your own, you’re in for a beating.” While everyone was busy, Yanalie poked Lu Hu’s forehead with a finger, threatening him in her fiercest voice…