Chapter Thirty: Hurry and Rescue the Goddess

When the tall, broad-faced woman unleashed her poisonous gas, Lu Hu managed to block most of it with his hands and held his breath, so he didn’t inhale much. He felt weak all over and was easily knocked to the ground by Yakexi. He let the guards tie him up and used all his energy to expel the poison from his body.

By the time he was dragged outside the gates, he had nearly purged the toxins and was silently contemplating how to escape. Suddenly, he heard the tiger muttering to itself, “I’m furious, damn that big-bearded man, making me eat this sour meat. How am I supposed to stomach it?”

Lu Hu was startled—how could he understand tiger language? Then realization dawned: this must be the secret ability he acquired upon crossing into this world. Could it be he could understand all animal languages? And perhaps speak them too? Wonderful! Thank you, fate, for this gift!

He opened his eyes and saw three tiger heads staring at him, somewhat blankly, as if pondering whether it was time to eat and where to start. The tiger facing him directly was familiar; he’d seen it lounging in King Dawo’s lap, being pampered during their first meeting.

No wonder it was the king’s favorite—its fur was sleek, eyes large and bright, the “king” character on its forehead clearer than any other of its kind, and—good heavens—it even had double eyelids!

Beautiful and docile, it was naturally likable; this was true for humans and animals alike—an immutable law. A good appearance was worth more than ten years, even a lifetime, of effort.

“What’s your name, handsome or pretty one? You’re truly delightful,” Lu Hu thought aloud, and remarkably, it came out as tiger speech.

The tiger’s broad head jerked, startled. It glanced at its companions, who were all distracted by the prospect of eating and clearly hadn’t said anything to it. It looked back at Lu Hu, puzzled.

“What are you staring at? I’m talking to you. Hey, I asked you, what’s your name? What did your old master call you?”

Lu Hu guessed these tigers were raised by King Dawo from cubs, possibly even generations of them, which explained their docility and intelligence.

“You startled me just now, speaking tiger speech so fluently. You’re quite the tiger, aren’t you?” The tiger now confirmed Lu Hu was indeed speaking to it.

“I’m Lu Hu—a tiger as well, only I cultivated to tiger deity and transformed into human form. We’re of the same kind, don’t be shy. Tell me your name,” Lu Hu half-bluffed.

“I’m Tiger Boss. That’s the name the old man gave me. Pretty impressive, huh?” the double-eyelid tiger replied.

Then it nodded toward Lu Hu’s thigh, “That’s Tiger Second, my own younger brother.”

Lu Hu glanced at his thigh and broke out in a cold sweat.

Tiger Second was sniffing around his thigh, apparently seeking an ideal spot for a bite.

“Oh dear, Tiger Second, my dear brother, gentlemen use words not teeth—or wait, it’s gentlemen use neither words nor claws. Please, stay calm, don’t rush to bite, my dear Tiger Second,” Lu Hu thought frantically. If this tiger really decided to snack on him, one bite would finish him—at best, he’d end up a eunuch.

Was Tiger Second frail or just not strong enough? Why did he focus there—did he believe in eating what one lacked?

While Lu Hu was pondering, Tiger Second yawned.

“Stop, stop, close your mouth, brother! Eating that part won’t help you. I have an ailment—soft when hard, hard when not erect, erect but not firm, firm but not upright,” Lu Hu, desperate, recited all the shameful advertisements from his previous life.

“Why are you fussing? We’re not hungry yet, just preparing for the meal. That junk of yours would taste awful anyway. I’ll decide where to eat when I’m hungry,” Tiger Second replied lazily.

Lu Hu breathed a sigh of relief; his reproductive parts were safe for now. The brothers were also temporarily unharmed—there was still hope for a rebellion.

“Those must be Tiger Third and Tiger Fourth! The guards at the gate are Tiger Fifth, Tiger Sixth, Tiger Seventh, and Tiger Eighth, right?” Lu Hu continued chatting, hoping to win them over.

“No, my two younger brothers were born later, so they’re called Little Tiger Third and Little Tiger Fourth. As for those four guards, they’re not as well-off as us, just four watchdogs. Their names are Big Fool, Second Fool, Third Fool, and Fourth Fool,” Tiger Boss sneered at the four fools.

Indeed, the four fools spent every day outside the gates, exposed to wind, sun, rain, and snow, always alert as security. Besides eating prisoners, they only got leftovers. Compared to these four brothers, it was worlds apart.

Those who lingered near the big shot got the perks—proximity to power always brought advantages, for humans and animals alike.

Muttering to himself, Lu Hu asked, “You four brothers always enjoyed good food and drink. Why are you out here to eat us today? Did you get chased out?”

This touched a sore spot for Tiger Boss. “Exactly. Since the old king died, we’ve been worse off every day. Not only is the food poor, we’re often beaten by that bastard.”

Ha! I guessed right. “That bastard is no good. If you ask me, he’ll end up killing you all.”

“Exactly. Just now he beat Black Mama to death. That bastard is ruthless,” Tiger Boss said. The door curtain was always open, so he’d seen the bear’s fate clearly.

“Was Black Mama the bear who got beaten to death? Are those three her cubs?”

“Yes, those three bear cubs are secretly crying over there.”

“Their mother is dead—how could they not be heartbroken? Why can’t they cry out loud?”

“If they dared, that bastard would kill them too.”

“How did Black Mama get killed by him?”

“She gave birth to litters every year—her belly was full of flab, never tried to lose weight, too lazy to exercise, old and slow. Who else would get beaten if not her?”

“If she ran faster, someone else would’ve died. So whoever’s slow dies?”

“That’s right. That bastard is heartless. He won’t stop until he’s killed someone.”

“With his temper, you’ll all have a day when you grow old and slow. He’ll kill you then.”

“What can we do? Just accept our fate.”

“Instead of suffering under him every day, why not rebel? Find a new king like Dawo, who cherished you—how wonderful life would be!”

“Rebel? How? That bastard is fierce, has so many soldiers. Killing us is nothing to him—we wouldn’t dare.”

“If you untie us, we’ll rebel, kill him directly. Then you’ll have a good life.”

“You’re all tied up here—can you really beat them? Don’t joke with me. I want to live a few more days.”

“I was caught off guard just now by those two witch women—didn’t you see? If I wanted to fight him, he wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Tiger Boss pondered for a long time. “True. I’ll untie you. If you go after him and fail, don’t betray your brothers!”

Damn, this Tiger Boss isn’t just clever—no wonder he was so favored by the king.

Lu Hu pledged, “Boss, trust me. I’m not the type to betray brothers. Watch me—I’ll go in and kill that bastard.”

“Second, Third, Fourth, bite through the ropes and set them free,” Tiger Boss commanded decisively.

The tiger brothers, always looking to their boss, obeyed without hesitation and began to untie the ropes.

The four fools froze, looking to Big Fool for guidance.

Big Fool hesitated. “Tiger Boss, are you sure? This is rebellion—if it goes wrong, we’re dead. Maybe we should stay out of it.”

This coward threatened to ruin Lu Hu’s plan. Lu Hu urgently shouted bear language at the tearful Three Blacks: “Big Black, Second Black, and Third Black—quit crying! Your mother was killed by that bastard. Stop acting like bears—rebel with us and avenge her!”

“Yes, let’s do it! Whoever acts like a bear again will spend their life in the cat pen, never eat a thing, and die miserable!” Big Black pounded the ground, rallying the others. Second and Third Black stopped crying.

The three bear brothers bared their teeth, roaring at the Four Fools.

Tiger Third shouted at them, “Are you fools? Are you brainless? The brave eat, the timid starve. Are you content to be watchdogs forever?”

His words shook them awake. The Four Fools finally decided, “Eating every day is like eating dirt. Not rebelling is death, rebelling is also death—might as well rebel!”

Tiger Boss bit open the ropes around Lu Hu’s shoulders.

Freed, Lu Hu struggled to break loose while urging, “Hurry, bite through the ropes, brothers! The guards inside heard the commotion and are coming!”

An Shizhu shouted excitedly, “God is truly God—both tigers and bears obey him! Brothers, fight for your lives, follow God, and rescue the goddess quickly!”

The roars of tigers and bears outside had already alerted the guards near the hall entrance, who peeked out to investigate.