Chapter 057: Tormenting the Stars

The first game was the relay race on acupressure boards.

The production team had outlined a U-shaped track, four hundred meters in circumference, with acupressure boards. Along the track, there were three challenges: a hundred-meter frog jump, a hundred-meter hurdle, and a hundred meters of skipping rope while running to the finish line.

When everyone heard the rules, their expressions changed involuntarily.

Even Li Fan, the ever-cool and composed film star, found himself visibly startled when faced with the sharp and terrifying little bamboo-shoot acupressure boards.

Zheng Fang, known for being a frequent user of acupressure boards, became all smug and deliberately went to tease the film star, “Li Fan, it’s just an acupressure board—are you really that scared?” His gaze lingered meaningfully on Li Fan’s lower back. “Are you not up to the task?”

Li Fan nearly jumped up to hit him.

Fortunately, his teammate caught him, but everyone knew it was for the show’s effect, so the restraint was hardly earnest.

Li Fan, strong as ever, broke free and dashed toward Zheng Fang, but before he could do anything, Zheng Fang let out a tragic scream.

“Guo Feng, help! Li Fan is about to kill someone—”

Anyone unaware would think he was being subjected to unspeakable cruelty.

Yet a baffled Li Fan protested that he hadn’t even touched him!

What nonsense!

Song Wan couldn’t help but gloat as she watched Li Fan, convinced he was about to have his worldview turned upside down today.

She turned and gave a thumbs-up to the still-wailing Zheng Fang, “Zheng, you must be tired of living, huh? Even daring to mess with Li Fan. Aren’t you afraid his fans will smash your windows at midnight? You really have guts—impressive!”

The others chimed in, giving Zheng Fang a thumbs-up. “Zheng Fang, impressive!”

Zheng Fang groaned, “I forgot about that… qaq”

Among everyone present, Li Fan had the most fans, and his supporters were especially loyal and fierce. Even the wildly popular Wu Jin wouldn’t dare challenge Li Fan’s fandom.

Zheng Fang ended up getting thrashed by Li Fan; the whole ordeal was so dramatic that his howls seemed to echo across the globe.

Though some exaggeration was involved, everyone agreed—

It was delightful!

Including the staff outside the set, everyone was laughing so hard they couldn’t stand upright.

—

With the pre-game warm-up over, the three teams split up to arrange their own tasks.

Zheng Fang, being older and highly experienced in variety shows, was promptly granted the right to assign tasks by Song Wan and Guo Feng without hesitation.

Zheng Fang feigned reluctance, then accepted, and while the others were reviewing the game rules, he grinned mischievously at the camera.

As the director put it, the entire scene radiated a bizarre energy.

In post-production, they even turned this moment into a looping GIF, playing it seven or eight times, and that devilish grin had audiences everywhere bursting into laughter.

When Song Wan and Guo Feng heard the laughter and looked up, their bewildered expressions were not spared by the editors, who added a special close-up.

The subtitles read—

“A big bad wolf with sesame filling, and a little lamb with flour filling—these are all traps!”

Zheng Fang didn’t disappoint, swiftly assigning tasks to the three.

First, Song Wan’s task—

Run a hundred meters to the finish line while skipping rope, no discounts.

Song Wan stared in horror at Zheng Fang and Guo Feng, “I’m still the flower of the motherland! You need to nurture me carefully!”

Good-natured Guo Feng, assigned the hundred-meter hurdle—his specialty—looked embarrassed.

And then—

He agreed to Zheng Fang’s arrangement without hesitation.

Song Wan glared at him, “I didn’t expect you to be like this, Guo!”

Guo Feng blushed, “Um, I can’t skip rope…”

“… Song Wan turned to Zheng Fang. “What about you, Zheng? Don’t tell me you can’t skip rope either, or I’ll die right here, believe it or not!”

Song Wan’s eyes were full of threat, but Zheng Fang was unfazed. “I can skip rope.”

Song Wan’s face brightened.

“And why would I choose the hardest game? Am I crazy?” Zheng Fang looked at Song Wan as if she were foolish. “You insisted I assign tasks, of course I’ll look out for myself.”

He grinned shamelessly, “Song Wan, today I’ll initiate you into adulthood.”

Song Wan: “…”

Zheng Fang kept muttering, “Frog jumps are hard too, you know? Not much easier than skipping rope! Honestly, I’m just too kind.”

Song Wan lunged at Zheng Fang, “If you think frog jumps are hard, swap with me—I don’t think they’re difficult!”

Zheng Fang sidestepped, and Song Wan landed with a smack right on the acupressure board.

“… Song Wan stared up at the sky, utterly defeated. “My heart is exhausted, I want to go home and cry…”

Guo Feng walked over, squatted down, and poked Song Wan’s back. “Song Wan, aren’t you hurting? The flower’s about to wilt.”

The others nearly lost their minds laughing, convinced that Song Wan’s expression would lead to immediate ostracism.

“Hahaha…”

Ji You Ning laughed so hard she tumbled over, accidentally stepping off and falling to the ground.

Luckily, she landed on flat ground.

The others mocked Song Wan even louder: How unlucky must you be to fall right on the acupressure board?

“Aow—”

Song Wan scrambled up. “That hurt so much! Director, I’ll fight you to the death—”

Another burst of laughter from everyone.

Song Wan glared back, “No laughing! You hear me? No laughing!”

“Oh, now you’re mad?”

Qi Ting spoke up, her tone dripping with sarcasm, and her expression wasn’t much better.

It was clearly not a joke, instantly maxing out everyone’s annoyance.

After she spoke, the cheerful atmosphere froze for a moment, nearly falling flat.

Luckily, Qing He quickly rescued the mood, “Yes, yes, look at Song Wan’s expression—so angry! But I won’t pity you at all, haha…”

Harmony returned.

Director Yang stood up and shot Qi Ting a cold glare.

—

Once everyone was in place, the game officially began.

With only one track, the three first runners—Zheng Fang, Li Fan, and Qin Hui—were inevitably crowded together.

Qin Hui, being fit, shot out in front from the start.

Her teammates, Wu Jin and Qi Ting, nearly jumped for joy, only to see…

Zheng Fang tackled her, then rolled sideways, tripping Li Fan onto the acupressure board. The protruding plastic blocks intimately met both of them.

Screams soared into the sky.

Qin Hui and Li Fan hadn’t participated in variety shows before and never imagined they could be so chaotic; they were caught completely off guard.

When they recovered from the sharp pain, they saw Zheng Fang, limping, already ten meters ahead.

Song Wan couldn’t help but complain to Ji You Ning, who was also running third, “I think his wife needs to strengthen Zheng’s acupressure board training. With skills like these, how can he claim he uses them every day?”

Ji You Ning was speechless; she had believed Zheng Fang, and when he tripped the others, she expected him to fly to the second position.

But reality was kind—

No amount of training mattered; pain was inevitable.

Zheng Fang was in tears. “Wife, I want to go home and cry…”

Li Fan and Qin Hui exchanged glances, then, despite their grimaces, chased after Zheng Fang.

“One, two, three…”

“Smack!” Zheng Fang fell onto the acupressure board in a textbook fashion, face-first, with no escape from the pain.

“Ow—”

The others laughed heartily, while Song Wan solemnly addressed the camera, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Ji You Ning laughed as she approached, “Are you going to lose?”

Song Wan shook her head, “Zheng is about to transform.”

Ji You Ning and Wu Jin nearly lost their minds laughing.

Yet—

Qin Hui and Li Fan hadn’t gone far when Zheng Fang got up again, grimacing with pain, and caught up to them, delivering a kick to each.

He stomped right on their feet.

“Ahhh—” Li Fan & Qin Hui, “Zheng Fang, I’ll kill you!”

Zheng Fang, learning his lesson, sprinted through the course, “Guo Feng, run!”

Guo Feng, an Olympic gold medalist, wasn’t fazed by the “thorns” underfoot and his speed remained unaffected.

In the blink of an eye, he was already in front of Song Wan, expressionless throughout, as if competing in the Olympics—tense and thrilling.

Song Wan glanced at him, hesitating, and then, just out of the camera’s view, stomped on Guo Feng’s foot.

Guo Feng: “… Ow!”

Song Wan widened her eyes, “So you do feel pain?”

Then she threw a cheeky air kiss to the other two, “Take your time, I’m off ahead!”

Ji You Ning and Wu Jin’s expressions were beyond words.

Song Wan’s skipping rope routine was a comedy in itself, with Zheng Fang running alongside her to deliberately disrupt, making the whole process lively.

But regardless of the antics, when Song Wan reached the finish, the others were just starting the third leg.

Song Wan laughed loudly, “I’m truly amazing!”

As expected, her team took first place.

Qi Ting’s team, surprisingly, finished last.

She looked at Song Wan with envy, and, frustrated at not getting first, even eyed Wu Jin with a hint of hostility.

Wu Jin couldn’t be bothered. “Idiot!”

—

The second game was a classic children’s game called “What Time Is It, Mr. Wolf?”

One person from each team played the wolf, and all the others became sheep.

This game appeared often in variety shows, so everyone knew the rules. What caught their attention was that this time, the game would be played in a muddy pit!

Looking at the sticky mud, everyone’s distaste was nearly overflowing from the screen.

But just a single shot had the audience roaring with laughter.

Clearly, to get ratings these days, you have to torment the celebrities…