Chapter 62: Old Wang from Next Door

This trip to the restroom took quite a while. When Huang Guolun finally emerged, his face was much paler than before, with streaks of red in his eyes and a dazed look. Even his steps seemed to waver.

Anyone with a discerning eye could tell that Huang Guolun had just thrown up.

In the most lively booth area, where Sun Yanzhen sat, a dozen young people were gathered, boisterously playing a drinking game.

The bar owner, Wang Xinnan, was a friend of Hao Qiang. At that moment, Hao Qiang was using Wang Xinnan as a distraction, getting everyone to play his self-invented “Old Wang Game.”

The rules were simple: everyone took turns telling a story about Old Wang next door. If the story made people laugh, you passed; if it was boring, you had to drink.

When Huang Guolun returned, a slightly chubby girl was being cajoled into drinking by Hao Qiang and the others because she couldn't come up with an Old Wang story.

“Hey? Teacher Huang is back! Come join us!” Hao Qiang warmly invited Huang Guolun to sit and play the Old Wang game, as if only in moments like these could he steal the spotlight back. He must not let Huang Guolun sing again, or else all the girls’ hearts would be swept away by his songs.

Understanding the game the young people were playing, Huang Guolun sat down with a helpless smile. He found himself next to Lu Rou, who had deliberately saved him a seat. Everywhere else was full.

“Teacher Huang, do you know any Old Wang stories?” Lu Rou, either genuinely tipsy or pretending, leaned so close to Huang Guolun she nearly fell into his arms.

After vomiting, Huang Guolun felt dizzy. The external noise was overwhelming, pouring endlessly into his ears and agitating him to the point where he could barely sit still.

Seeing Huang Guolun’s dazed expression, Sun Yanzhen, seated on the other side of Lu Rou, leaned forward and asked across Lu Rou, “Are you alright? Did you throw up?”

Huang Guolun coughed and nodded, his throat burning.

Lu Rou teased, “Teacher Huang, you can’t hold your liquor? Only a few drinks and you’re already sick?”

Huang Guolun gave a bitter smile, not bothering to explain that he had actually drunk a lot of cola and white beer earlier.

A girl next to Hao Qiang laughed, “Teacher Huang, are you trying to dodge the drinks? Are you pretending? How could a few drinks make you vomit?”

Sun Yanzhen came to Huang Guolun’s rescue, “Stop teasing Teacher Huang. Let’s keep playing. Whose turn is it now? Is it yours, Xiaohui?”

With Sun Yanzhen’s shout, everyone’s attention returned to the Old Wang game.

Hao Qiang declared, “Xiaohui’s joke definitely won’t be funny. Prepare the drinks, you’re going to get punished, haha!”

“Pfft!” Ju Xiaohui spat at Hao Qiang and, composing herself, said, “Today I’ll tell you a joke I’ve been saving. I don’t believe you won’t laugh! It’s a story about Old Wang getting caught in the act by his neighbor.”

Hao Qiang turned to Wang Xinnan, “Brother Nan, there’s a girl here saying you got caught in the act.”

Wang Xinnan, half laughing, shot back, “You brat, always running your mouth! If your brother didn’t have your back, you’d have been beaten to death a hundred times over by the boys from South Town.”

“Ha ha.” Hao Qiang laughed it off, not taking the remarks to heart.

Urged by everyone, Ju Xiaohui began Old Wang’s story: “I know this Old Wang, his neighbor next door is Laifu. One time, Laifu came home from a business trip and found his wife and Old Wang in the middle of something. Furious, he started fighting Old Wang. But his wife didn’t help Laifu—instead, she teamed up with Old Wang to beat him. Just as Laifu was about to beg for mercy, his son suddenly kicked the door open, shouting, ‘Dad! I’ll help you!’ A warm rush filled Laifu’s heart. Before he could say ‘Good,’ his son slapped him unconscious.”

“Pfft… hahaha!”

Several couples burst out laughing at Ju Xiaohui’s tale.

Ju Xiaohui boasted, “Isn’t that funny? I don’t need to drink, right?”

Hao Qiang conceded, “Not bad, you got lucky this time.”

Ju Xiaohui nudged Song Jingwen beside her, “Your turn, Wen’er.”

Everyone focused on Song Jingwen, who wore fashionable black-rimmed glasses, had a fair and ample bosom, but was very quiet.

Song Jingwen frowned, thought for a moment, and began without preamble, “I know a guy. One day, on his way home from work, he thought up a really funny joke about Old Wang next door. He rushed home to tell his wife. But his wife looked at him in horror, not even cracking a smile. The guy was puzzled and asked, ‘Isn’t the joke funny?’ At that moment, Old Wang’s laughter erupted from their wardrobe…”

“Hahaha!”

Song Jingwen’s deadpan humor succeeded in making most of the group laugh, avoiding the drinking penalty.

“My turn, my turn!” The trendy, chubby guy next to Song Jingwen eagerly jumped in, “I have a sister. Since she had her second child, what belonged to her eldest—the pair of ‘grandmas’—now has to be shared one each. The eldest couldn’t stand it, so she smeared poison on the one belonging to the second child. The next day, Old Wang next door was found dead…”

The joke itself wasn’t funny, but the chubby guy’s tone and expression were hilarious, making everyone laugh. Truth be told, he didn’t need to tell jokes—his mere presence was enough to amuse. His real name was even funnier: Zhu Jiujie. One wonders what debts he owed his parents in a previous life to be saddled with such a name.

The young people continued, each taking turns to riff on Old Wang, their creativity boundless.

At the bar, the bartender poured cup after cup of bitter wine for his boss, Wang Xinnan, who was so roasted he felt tempted to change his surname.

Listening to the noisy banter about Old Wang, Huang Guolun’s head spun. Some jokes were genuinely funny and made him laugh, but he was mostly looking for an opportunity to say his farewells to Sun Yanzhen.

Soon, it was Li Yufei’s turn, sitting beside Sun Yanzhen.

“Giggle.” Before she even started, Li Yufei, swept up in the merry atmosphere, laughed herself, then began, “I’ll tell you the story of Old Wang buying a house. One day, Old Wang was taken by the real estate manager to see a property. He was quite satisfied and asked the manager, ‘Does the girl next door have a tendency to stray?’ The manager, with a sly look, told Old Wang, ‘Hehe, Wang, I know what you mean. The woman next door is indeed easy to hook up with! You’re in luck!’ Hearing this, Old Wang’s eyes widened in anger: ‘Then I don’t want it!’ The manager was baffled: ‘Why not?’ Old Wang replied, ‘Because my surname is Wang! If the woman next door cheats, her husband will suspect me first! I don’t want to get beaten up again… giggle.’”

Sun Yanzhen was amused, but most others weren’t.

Hao Qiang steered the mood, “Feifei, you’re trying to whitewash Old Wang? That’s grounds for punishment! Drink! Drink!”

The crowd joined in, making Li Yufei drink.

Li Yufei protested, “That joke was funny! You’re all just being mean!”

Lu Rou teased, “Who told you to whitewash Old Wang? Don’t you know we’re supposed to roast him? Hurry up and drink, no excuses!”

Li Yufei had no choice but to drink.

Next up was tonight’s birthday star, Sun Yanzhen, ready to riff on Old Wang.

Everyone egged her on, wanting to see her let loose.

Surrounded by her rowdy friends, Sun Yanzhen felt a bit embarrassed in front of Huang Guolun.

With a gentle smile, she began, “Since you all want to hear it so badly, I’ll tell you a story about Hao Qiang’s brother and Old Wang.”

That one line already made many people laugh.

Hao Qiang, secretly delighted, said to Sun Yanzhen, “Yanzhen, you’re something else—while we’re roasting Old Wang, you roast my brother?”

“Fine, not your brother, I’ll roast you.”

Before Hao Qiang could interrupt, Sun Yanzhen, grinning, began her story: “This happened in Haojia Village. One day at noon, Hao Qiang was having lunch when his wife called, ‘Quick, bring our kitchen knife, there’s a knife sharpener at the east end of the village. If you’re late, he’ll leave!’ After hanging up, Hao Qiang grabbed the knife and rushed out. At the village entrance, he ran into Zhang Er-ge and Li San-ge. Seeing Hao Qiang hurrying, knife in hand, they pinned him to the ground, frantically advising: ‘Qiangzi, you must have found out about your wife and Old Wang! Calm down! Don’t do anything rash!’”

“Hahaha!”

Sun Yanzhen’s vivid storytelling had everyone in stitches.

Hao Qiang laughed and gave Sun Yanzhen a thumbs-up, “You’re ruthless! I’m going to roast you next!”

A guy next to Hao Qiang seized the chance, “Are you roasting or poking? Qiangzi, you’d better make yourself clear.”

Hao Qiang grinned lewdly and shot him a knowing look.

Lu Rou scolded, “You guys are shameless. Behave yourselves—don’t joke like that with Yanzhen.”

Sun Yanzhen, mellow from the drinks, said coolly, “Let them joke—it’s the only chance they’ll ever have to roast me.”

Lu Rou laughed, “You’re sharp as ever.”

Now, Huang Guolun had witnessed the wild side of Sun Yanzhen and her friends, and suddenly felt the generational gap widening.

Hao Qiang turned to Lu Rou, “Lu Rou, are you just going to drink or are you going to tell a story?”

“I’ll drink, then tell!” Lu Rou, clearly fond of alcohol, downed half a glass in front of Huang Guolun, leaving the other half on the table. Her eyes flirtatiously trembled as she said to Huang Guolun, “Teacher Huang, after I finish, it’s your turn. I’m saving this half-glass for you.”

“Hey!” The crowd cheered Lu Rou on, a hint of matchmaking in their voices. Everyone could see she was firing on all cylinders at Huang Guolun.

Sun Yanzhen pouted in secret, wishing she could swap seats with Lu Rou, preventing that little minx from getting close to Huang Guolun.

Hao Qiang laughed, “Lu Rou, so you’re saying Teacher Huang will definitely have to drink?”

When it came to humor, Hao Qiang seemed to have a particular sense of superiority, as if it was the only area he could outshine Huang Guolun.

Huang Guolun, dizzy, smiled without engaging, nor did he glance at Lu Rou’s low-cut, proud neckline.

“Don’t roast Teacher Huang yet—listen to my story first. If it’s not funny, I’ll finish the other half-glass myself.”

Lu Rou, coquettish, began: “I know a guy who got drunk one night and came home late. He rang the doorbell for ages but no one answered. Furious, he shouted at the door, ‘Wife, open the door! I’m home! Open up!’… Suddenly, he heard hurried footsteps inside, and his wife finally opened the door. She was in pajamas, hair messy, cheeks flushed, looking anxious. The guy was about to ask why she took so long to open the door, but she snapped, ‘Who the hell are you!’… He looked closely—oops, he’d pressed the wrong doorbell! It was the woman downstairs. He hastily apologized. She realized the mix-up and ran to the balcony, shouting, ‘Old Wang! Come back, come back! Stop climbing! Some idiot pressed the wrong doorbell!’… haha.”

Lu Rou laughed at her own story, but the audience didn’t.

Hao Qiang jabbed, “Lu Rou, your details are awfully precise—even down to flushed cheeks. You must have experience, huh? Did this happen to you?”

“Pfft, don’t be shameless! I’ve always been single!” Lu Rou’s retort made everyone shiver, especially Huang Guolun, who was closest and nearly trembled.

Knowing her story fell flat, Lu Rou quickly finished the remaining half-glass, accepting the penalty.

“Teacher Huang, it’s your turn! You’ve been listening for ages—don’t say you’re not playing!” Hao Qiang focused all firepower on Huang Guolun.

Everyone looked expectantly at Huang Guolun, wanting to see what kind of story this dignified, middle-aged teacher would tell.

Though Huang Guolun had defeated everyone’s sense of humor before, in such a lively atmosphere, Sun Yanzhen also hoped he would tell a joke to amuse the group.

Huang Guolun, however, said helplessly, “I don’t know any Old Wang jokes.”

“Boo—!” Hao Qiang led the crowd in booing him, “Don’t tell me you have no sense of humor!”

A mischievous girl egged him on, “Then Teacher Huang, just drink and accept the penalty!”

Knowing Huang Guolun had just thrown up and shouldn’t drink, Sun Yanzhen was about to intervene when Huang Guolun said, “I might not know any Old Wang jokes, but I can sing Old Wang’s story.”

That was a surprise. Sun Yanzhen asked excitedly, “Wait, did you write a song for Old Wang?”

“I haven’t written one before, but after listening to you roast him for so long, I felt inspired—so I want to write a song for Old Wang, called ‘The Sorrowful Old Wang’.”