Chapter 155: A Secure and Steady Happiness

...

"They are the softness that lingers after the pain / Still singing in the sunlight"
"They are the thorns along the road / Walking silently and composed / Across fields where flowers bloom in profusion"
"They are the green mountains remaining after a thousand sails have passed / Still untouched by a single speck of dust"
"They are the transcendence of life and death / Unceasing through cold and warmth / Yet still flying alone in the sky"
"They are the phoenix rising from the ashes / Reborn through the fire"
...

As if a sheet of thick ice were cracking and all things were reviving, the heartfelt chorus sung by Huang Guolun immediately brought the realm of rebirth vividly to life.

In so-called Chinese folk music, the lowest tier plays to the gallery;
The mediocre ones forcefully preach sentimentality;
The niche ones sing of human nature and society;
The highly sought-after ones, no matter how beautiful the lyrics, never go beyond petty romance and personal sentiment;
The thought-provoking ones possess vast compassion with a detached and gentle breeze;
And the highest tier is appreciated by both the refined and the popular, unadorned and unpretentious—this is life and death.

The song "Rebirth" sung by Huang Guolun, while perhaps not reaching the absolute highest realm, carried a serene composure as if holding the bright moon in one's arms.

There was no thousand-sail race, nor any high-pitched singing and dancing; instead, it was a path of thorns, walked in silence and composure.

Like a wounded, solitary phoenix soaring through the nine heavens, waiting only for that moment of Nirvana, to be reborn in blood.

Anyone familiar with Xu Wei would immediately think of Xu Wei's musical style upon hearing this melody.

When Huang Guolun had reviewed this song in his mind, he had experienced the exact same feeling.

However, in his view, this was merely an illusion.

How could Xu Wei possibly have planted a tune into his brain? Such a hypothesis defied any logical explanation.

Therefore, he concluded that he had written it himself, merely under the influence of Xu Wei.

The inner meaning of this song was precisely what he yearned for.

For him at this very moment, the bitter winter was coming, but spring was no longer far away.

After surviving this historically rare and harsh winter, when next spring arrived, he hoped his own life could also usher in a moment of rebirth from the ashes.

That night, with the song "Rebirth," Huang Guolun swept away all the sadness and melancholy lingering in the Duck Bistro, using music to calm everyone and guide them back to rationality.

After finishing his performance, Huang Guolun, still wearing his sunglasses, took a photo with the two student fans and asked for their names.

The two youngsters were just starting college; the young man was called Cao Fei, and the girl was Jin Weiwei.

Bonded by their shared love for music, they had come together, and their story of meeting was quite romantic.

Huang Guolun promised them that he would definitely write a song for them in the future, on the condition that they remained together throughout their college years. Otherwise, if he rashly wrote a song for them and they broke up, it would make the gift terribly awkward.

If the two of them could rely on and love each other through their four years of college, Huang Guolun vowed he would surely write a song to praise their romantic love story.

This promise of love made by Huang Guolun turned Cao Fei and Jin Weiwei into his devoted, die-hard fans. They declared that they would come to see Huang Guolun's special performance again this Saturday and bring their classmates along to witness Teacher Huang's charismatic demeanor.

Cai Yafang also announced that she would return to the Duck Bistro this Saturday to hear Huang Guolun sing again. Having received a song dedicated to her by Huang Guolun, she had also become one of his die-hard fans.

As for Zhao Yan, Zhao Jing, Sister Xu, Liu Xiaowei, and Su Ling, needless to say, they were all eagerly looking forward to Saturday, wishing the day would arrive sooner so they could watch Huang Guolun and Bai Yao perform a full evening of music once more.

Huang Guolun's primary purpose in coming to the Duck Bistro tonight was not to sing, but to have a frank conversation with Zhao Yan about their relationship.

After sending all the friends off, the two of them went out alone for a late-night snack, and Huang Guolun finally brought up the real reason he had asked Zhao Yan out tonight.

The industry her family was involved in was quite special, and since Zhao Yan had been introduced by her elders, she was well aware of his family background, which meant Huang Guolun didn't need to rack his brain over how to phrase things to her.

He had nothing to conceal or wrap up; he simply laid out his current situation to Zhao Yan exactly as it was.

Given the nature of her family business, there were many taboos, and he believed Zhao Yan would be able to understand him, rather than misinterpreting his desire to keep a distance as dissatisfaction with her.

He specifically told Zhao Yan that he actually quite wanted to continue exploring things with her.

However, if what Mr. Yi had said was true, continuing to date her would simply be dragging Zhao Yan down and harming her.

He bluntly stated that Zhao Yan was a kind-hearted young woman, and he hoped she would find the genuine happiness that belonged to her.

If he truly was fated to face this ordeal, he did not wish for any woman to share it with him.

The bitterest path—he preferred to walk it alone, rather than dragging someone else down to walk it with him and share in the misfortune.

As for the matter with Chen Jia, he was already starting to feel a lingering sense of guilt, and he did not want to burden another woman ever again.

Zhao Yan had originally thought that Huang Guolun inviting her out for a late-night snack meant he wanted a romantic little date.

Never did she expect that Huang Guolun would share such a bizarre and unsettling matter with her!

If this had been Zhao Jing, she certainly would have thought smartly that Huang Guolun was just pulling her leg, inventing an excuse to break things off.

Yet Zhao Yan was far more innocent than Zhao Jing.

From the bottom of her heart, she was willing to believe every single word Huang Guolun said.

The business his family engaged in indeed carried heavy taboos, and his ex-wife had died of a mysterious illness—this made it even more impossible for her to doubt his words.

Though Huang Guolun hadn't completely closed the door, merely saying that things might possibly turn out this way, Zhao Yan was nonetheless deeply shocked upon hearing it.

Ever since Huang Guolun mentioned this to her, her mind had been as chaotic as a pot of porridge, utterly incapable of sorting out her thoughts or saying anything more to him.

She didn't know how to face this situation.

She genuinely liked Huang Guolun now.

If Huang Guolun had pulled out a marriage ring during their late-night snack, she might have acted on impulse and married him right then and there.

Her fondness for Huang Guolun had reached that exact extent.

Yet alas, fate was cruel.

Huang Guolun was now telling her that his family bore a curse! The woman who stayed with him could never have children! This matter... Zhao Yan truly could not accept it!

At her current age, she was no longer young when it came to childbearing; if she delayed for a few more years, her fertility would plummet straight downward.

Moreover, her parents and elders all hoped she could quickly settle down into a stable family, have several children, and enjoy the lively, bustling warmth of family life together.

Zhao Yan herself deeply yearned for such a life.

Once upon a time, she had fantasized about having a whole football team's worth of children with Zhao Yijun, spending the second half of her life managing the household and raising children in the small shop, watching Zhao Yijun paint, and growing up alongside the kids.

And after deciding to date Huang Guolun, the fantasy she wove was similarly about having a football team's worth of children with him, spending the latter half of her life tending to the home in the Duck Bistro, listening to him sing, and growing up alongside their children.

Yet now Huang Guolun was telling her that he could no longer have children. This was truly a devastating blow to Zhao Yan! It shattered her dreams instantly!

When listening to Huang Guolun sing "The Light Chaser" that night, she had been so moved that she was willing to follow behind him like a shadow, wandering in a dream chasing after Huang Guolun, who was like a beam of light. She had been willing to wait at the crossroads, regardless of whether he would ever pass by.

But unfortunately, those were merely fairytale imaginations.

Once the cruel reality was laid bare before Zhao Yan, she would eventually have to return to rationality and seriously ponder what true happiness meant to her.

After all, she had already missed out once, losing the seven most beautiful years of her youth.

Right now, she had no room to make mistakes again.

If she wasted another seven years on Huang Guolun and ultimately failed to find the happiness she desired, her whole life would be ruined.

Like a child, Zhao Yan detested having to contemplate such heavy problems.

Yet now she had no choice but to think, forcing herself to grow up.

Lying in bed, she played "Steadfast Happiness," which Huang Guolun had sung during his previous special performance:

...
"I want a steadfast happiness / That can withstand the cruelty of the end times / In the uneasy, dark night / To have a place to return to"
"I want a steadfast happiness / That my two hands can touch / Every time I reach into my embrace / There is your warmth"
"I want a steadfast happiness / That can withstand the pain of loss / On the journey walked alone / I will not feel lonely"
"I want a steadfast happiness / Measured by the length of my life / No matter where I may be / I will never lose my way"
"I want a steadfast happiness / This is the happiness I desire."
...

When hearing this song at the Duck Bistro, Zhao Yan had intuitively understood that the steadfast happiness within the lyrics was the exact happiness Huang Guolun yearned for.

In truth, this was also the happiness she had always desired.

At that moment, her heart seemed to have fused with Huang Guolun's, leaving only the step of walking hand in hand to create a happy future.

If those fantasies of the time could have come true, how wonderful their future lives would have been.

Yet who could have foreseen that reality would be so cruel, refusing to grant any opportunity for sweet dreams to become reality.

Zhao Yan recalled the words Huang Guolun had spoken before singing "Rebirth" that night:

"This world is not as wonderful as we imagine, which is why we are beaten down time and time again, only to stand back up driven by hope, faith, warmth, or the stubborn instinct of being alive..."

No wonder Huang Guolun had spoken those words with such deep emotion; as it turned out, he was bearing such a crushing decree of fate.

Thinking deeply about it, Zhao Yan realized that the one who suffered the most in all of this was none other than Huang Guolun.

She had merely lost someone she liked, but she still had a future ahead of her.

Yet if this fateful ordeal proved true, Huang Guolun would lose the happy future he so desperately wanted.

At this thought, Zhao Yan fell into a sorrowful melancholy, her heart breaking into pieces. She mourned for herself, and even more so for this reliable and deeply endearing talented musical teacher.

Listening to Huang Guolun's songs like this, her heart aching for a long while, Zhao Yan finally gathered up the shattered pieces of her heart and pasted them back together.

She could no longer afford to break down for ten days or half a month at a time with no recovery, as she used to.

She was now the owner of an establishment, and several people depended on her for their livelihoods.

She could not allow herself to be crushed by reality just like that.

Just like the song "Rebirth" Huang Guolun had just sung, even if the path ahead was filled with thorns, she had to remain composed and silent, striving to walk across the fields where flowers bloomed in profusion.

She had to calm herself down and carefully consider how to handle this situation.

First and foremost, one thing was clear to her: if the Huang family truly bore this curse of bringing misfortune to their wives, she could never, under any circumstances, stay with Huang Guolun.

Even if she were willing to wrong herself by giving up having children and stubbornly remain with him, her parents would never consent to it.

Furthermore, if she truly compromised herself in such a manner, Huang Guolun would likely carry a lifelong psychological burden.

Just as he felt he had failed his ex-wife, he would likely spend the rest of his life feeling he had failed her.

Such a future would be far too painful.

She did not want it, nor did she want Huang Guolun to bear it.