Volume One, Chapter 12: She Should Never Have Done Such a Foolish Thing
Three years ago, he was imprisoned; she visited him in the dungeon; he entrusted her to take good care of the family; he told her he was innocent.
He said the only thing he worried about was the family, fearing the entire Xiang household would be implicated.
Those words—“innocent” and “worried”—were what made her willingly seek out Xu Huaiyang.
But after the entire Xiang household was revived from near ruin, her grandfather said—“You are not worthy to call me grandfather.”
Her hand inside her sleeve slowly clenched, nails digging into the flesh of her palm, the pain sharpening her clarity.
“Why...”
Why treat her this way?
“Why?”
Xie Xiang stared coldly at her. “Did you ever think about why you caused A Li’s death from anger?”
She felt as if her whole body had been covered in frost.
Her grandfather cared nothing for the fact that she saved everyone in the Xiang household; what he cared about was that she had angered her grandmother to death.
Her grandfather and grandmother had shared a lifetime of love, like immortal soulmates. She had destroyed the one her grandfather loved most.
Xie Xiang looked at the blood on her sleeve and said coldly:
“The Xie family raised you all these years, and this is how you repay them? Your body and skin come from your parents—you think of freeing yourself before even tending to your flesh and bones? Is this how your father taught you to repay kindness?”
Xie Jiaoyue froze in place, her gray eyes failing to make out his expression, only hearing the chill in the old man’s voice.
She did not know that since this once kind old man was imprisoned, his temperament changed—becoming cruel and unfeeling, and after her grandmother’s passing, utterly indifferent.
She only remembered her grandfather differently.
He would teach her to weigh every word when she wrote poetry, laugh heartily when she was titled a gifted scholar, and, after being imprisoned, risk his own safety to urge her to care for the women and children of the family.
Her grandfather was a just, upright, gentle, and courteous Grand Chancellor, the wisest prime minister of the Li Dynasty, beloved by all scholars as the pure Crane Hermit.
She lost her purity to save such a man, so she never regretted seeking out Xu Huaiyang.
She never regretted enduring three years of hardship to secure a lifetime of peace for her family; she only didn’t understand how their love could hinge on a woman’s chastity.
The cold wind pierced through her tattered body; every limb shivered with cold.
Slowly, she knelt down, sharp, uneven stones digging into her skin, the pain feeling as if her bones might shatter.
---
“Master Xiang is right. It is Jiaoyue’s fault.”
She should not have dirtied her grandmother’s tombstone.
She should not have come here to disgrace her grandmother’s eyes.
She should not have done such a foolish thing three years ago.
“Your fault is far greater than that,” the lofty master Xiang said, eyes half-closed, looking down at him. “Your only role now is to marry well—marry the heir of Jingyang with honor, and uphold the duties of a woman.”
So that’s how it was.
The man she was to marry was the very one who had wronged her three years ago.
Her grandfather wanted to use this marriage to cover up the shame of her past sacrifice to Xu Huaiyang?
Was that incident so unbearable and disgraceful that it needed to be concealed by the rest of her life?
“Cough...”
The slender girl, as fragile as a green bamboo shoot, could no longer hold back the turmoil in her throat and spat fresh blood onto the ground.
Xie Jiaoyue forced herself to wipe the blood from the corner of her mouth, then turned away from Zhiqiu’s helping hand, straightened her frail back, clasped her hands above her head, and respectfully kowtowed to the honored Master Xiang before her.
“Poor nun begs to decline the order, Master Xiang, please forgive me.”
The biting wind blew fiercely, white snow falling silently.
“Miss, you’re coughing up blood...” Zhiqiu frowned with concern as she looked at the girl’s pale, emaciated profile.
Kneeling on the ground, Xie Jiaoyue held her kowtow pose; the cold wind lifted strands of her hair behind her, the tips crystallizing with snowflakes.
“The most humiliating thing in this world is a monk marrying, or a nun taking a husband. Since Master Xiang acknowledges Jiaoyue’s identity as a nun from Qingjing Temple, I ask you to grant me one favor—allow me to return to the temple. Once back, I will kneel before the Buddha for life, praying for my grandmother and atoning for my sins.”
Even if she only had half a year left to live.
Xie Xiang stepped in front of her, seemingly ignoring the glaring blood stain on the ground, his cold eyes fixed on the kneeling Xie Jiaoyue who remained unmoving.
“So you mean I’m the one humiliating you by forcing you to marry?”
“Do you know that this marriage proposal came from the heir of Jingyang himself?”
Xie Jiaoyue’s body stiffened; she slowly straightened and looked at him.
---
Xie Xiang sneered bitterly, “The adulterer came knocking, and you still insist on calling it someone else’s humiliation?”
“Think carefully—are you being forced to marry and humiliated by the Xiang household, or are you the one disgracing the family’s reputation?”
After ten years as Grand Chancellor, Xie Xiang saw things far more clearly than his daughter-in-law.
The heir had been away at war for three years without returning, and the moment he came back, he demanded to marry a Xie daughter.
He guessed the adulterer was the heir of Jingyang, but due to the status of both families, this matter had to be accepted.
In his eyes, as the legitimate daughter of the Xie family, no matter who the other party was, having an affair sullied the century-old honor of the Xie name.
The legitimate daughter of the Xie family who consorted with a wild man must bear all consequences herself.
Xie Jiaoyue felt as if she had fallen into an icy cellar, foolishly raising her eyes to the familiar yet estranged man.
He really knew.
He knew she lost her purity for the sake of the entire Xiang household, yet still abandoned her in the nun’s temple for three years without care, and after she returned, told her, “You are not worthy to call me grandfather.”
Xie Jiaoyue thought, she truly was not worthy.
She was not worthy of their purity.
Not worthy of their ruthless willingness to sever family ties.
“Xu Huaiyang is no gentleman, but he is the man you chose yourself. If the teachings I gave you had not gone in one ear and out the other, you would know what to do.”
Xie Xiang swept his sleeves and left.
Xie Jiaoyue knelt in the wind and snow, wondering what she should do.
Should she cut away the flesh and bone, or, as everyone wished, correct her mistakes and obediently marry Xu Huaiyang?
“Miss, the ground is cold; please get up.”
Nurse Li helped Xie Jiaoyue to her feet. “You coughed up blood just now; you should hurry back to the mansion and see the doctor.”
“And your injury—your bleeding must be stopped quickly.”
Nurse Li looked at the bloodstains on Xie Jiaoyue’s sleeve with pity.
Though the girl was at fault, being driven to this point stirred her own sorrow.